This is another question that I frequently get. There is a myth floating around out there that I am dedicated to dispelling. That myth is that an individual’s happiness is someone else’s responsibility. Whether you are a cluster B or not, it’s your responsibility to make yourself happy and nobody elses. It’s also not your responsibility to make someone else happy, it’s theirs. This is a very damaging pattern that we seem to have adopted. It’s toxic for relationships in general. The truth is that no matter how far someone goes to try to make us happy, we can still choose to be unhappy with what we have. This is a dynamic in which people give their personal power away to others. The cluster B individual perpetuates this myth more than anyone. They tend to pull others into this mentality and people get pulled into the idea that it’s their job to appease the cluster B but they find that it’s impossible. The short answer to this question is: you don’t, it’s not your job to make them happy. It’s their job to make them happy.
But what I think people are really asking is, how do I satisfy the cluster B so that they will not be so upset and angry. Maybe a better question that they are trying to ask is, how do I keep them from getting angry at me? The short answers is that they will always continue to get angry at you as long as they are getting some kind of payoff and the payoff might be that other people go to great lengths to appease them. Why would they try to curb their anger when it is so effective at manipulating other people and situations? Their temper tantrums are constantly being reinforced by those who fear their anger so there’s almost no incentive to get their anger managed.
*If you are in a relationship with a cluster B or currently involved with a custody battle with a cluster B, the right kind of help is available. I can help you make adjustments in your communication that will make the process smoother. I offer individual counseling as well as custody evaluation consultation. My goal is to help bring optimal outcomes for the children involved. If this is your goal too, then give me a call at 385.202.4174 or you can email me at [email protected]